Worst Type of Table

So I work in a casual restaurant, in a somewhat shaky part of town.
Here is an example of the types of tables we see on a regular basis.
It is Wednesday evening, which means All You Can Eat Snow Crab for $19.95.

Date: Wednesday Feb. 10
Time: 8:00ish pm
Location: Brooklyn Center, MN

Me:
How are ya'll doing this evening?

Woman:
Oh, we're great!

Man:
*nods*

Me:
Great! What can I get you to drink to start out the evening?

Woman:
We're both gonna have the crab special

Man:
Yeah

Me:
Wonderful! What can I get you to drink to start out the evening

Woman:
Whaaaaaat?

Me:
Yes ma'am, What would you like to drink?

Woman:
Do you have lemonade? Like flavored ones?

Me:
Yes we do ma'am, Strawberry Lemonade it is!

Man:
How much yo top shelf?

Me:
Top shelf what sir?

Man:
Yo top shelf!

Me:
We have lots of top shelf drinks sir. Which would you like?

Man:
How much this top shelf Long Island?

Me:
It's $6.95 or $7.95

Man:
Get me one of do's

Me:
And what would you like for your sides........(regular order speak not worthy of writing)

Time: 8:30ish pm

Me:
How is everything you guys?

Woman:
Everything's fine. Can I get a shot of Patron? I wanna put it in my lemonade

Man:
You should bring some more crab

Me:
Coming right up!

Time: 8:40ish pm

Man:
Hey! Bring some more crab

Time: 8:45ish pm

Man:
Thanks man! You should go order some more up

Me:
No problem, sir!

Time: 8:50ish pm

Man:
Man that's good! You should bring some more quick.

Me:
No problem, sir!

And on and on and on.......

Time 9:30pm

Me:
How was everything this evening?

Man:
Oh man! Everything was great!

Woman:
Thanks for everything!

Me:
Can I get you anything else this evening?

Man:
Just the check

Bill: $61.83

Me:
Here we go. Do you need any change or a credit card run?

Man:
No man! Keep the change!

In payment book: $64.00
Tip: $2.17

Me:
Here's your change guys. You obviously need it more than I do.

Needless to say I did what many a server wishes they could do. They kept it, so thus I got stiffed on a $62 tab.

It was worth it. To let them know they were cheap as hell was worth every penny. Would my superiors be angry? Yes. Do I care if guests like that never come back? NOT A CHANCE.

I can understand if the service was poor or they had some major complaints about me, BUT, they didn't. They would rather me self absorbed, ordering the best, then be able to afford to go out to dine, and that includes tipping. Tipping is a part of the dining experience that many no culture, no class people seem to forget about. Your server isn't there kissing your ass to make sure your happy because they have nothing better to do. The server knows their job is to exceed your expectations and give you the best experience possible. That's how we make our money. To throw our hard work back in our face because you're too ignorant to see outside your selfish little bubble is a shame and a blight to American society.

Thank you Gangsta Rap. Thank you Feminists (yes, middle aged women are some of the worst guests imaginable). Thank you President Obama. You have molded this country into a selfish, needy, reliant on everyone else to do things for you society, and to tell you the truth. It's sucks.